


Mt Washington

by TheHuskyDragon



Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [13]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Dry Orgasm, Hand Jobs, Hypothermia, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Ruined Orgasms, You ever write something and immediately forget everything, higgs questions his morals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:01:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22564438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHuskyDragon/pseuds/TheHuskyDragon
Summary: “Sammy?”Sam muffles a yawn, “Yeah Higgs?”“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog before.”
Relationships: BB-28 | Louise & Sam Porter Bridges, Sam Porter Bridges/Higgs Monaghan
Series: We’re all going forward/none of us are going back [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551493
Comments: 3
Kudos: 93





	Mt Washington

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Local Natives
> 
> Sorry for taking last week off! I’m surprising y’all with an early chapter Bc I might take another week off. Writing the nasty fics is considerably easier so maybe those could ride some over...
> 
> Mild warning; towards the end, Sam and Higgs talk about the many scars Higgs has, I don’t go into detail but I mention Higgs’ uncledaddy

Lou fell asleep before Heartman woke up. Higgs eventually sat down on the couch with them, Lou between Sam and Higgs. 

He drums his fingers on the arm rest. 

“Sammy?”

Sam muffles a yawn, “Yeah Higgs?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog before.”

Sam looks at him. “You haven’t? Not too hard to believe but even I’ve seen a few as a kid…” Higgs can see he’s recalling some memories. What kind of dogs; were those good memories?

He knows how varied dogs— well, canines can be. Much more than cats just because of their genes. Sizes… colors… uses.  _ Not worth it.  _

“I’ll find a dog for you, Higgs.”

“You’d do that for lil’ ole me?” He drawls, batting his eyelashes like a tramp. His smile widens when Sam’s face cringes. Higgs bites his lip… he could stare at Sam’s face all day… count the hairs that hang in front of his face. Not now, as it’s tied back. He still wants to bite the freckles on his shoulders… Does he have any on the back of his neck? Higgs would—  _ will _ bite those too. 

Higgs’ daydreaming is cut short when Heartman’s AED announces it’s “ _ administering shock, _ ” a moment before Heartman gasps awake, a single tear falls from his eyes.  _ He has DOOMS? _

He sees Heartman type in the air, his cuff apparently working as an invisible keyboard. He says some large number out loud as he types it in. 

“Sam.” Heartman started. “I saw… the  _ oddest _ beast following me on the beach.”

_ A beast _ ?

“That’s weird.” Sam replies, “did it try to eat you?”

Heartman cracks a grin at the non-joke. Like he’s a fucking toddler. Did it try to eat him.  _ Hah _ . 

“It didn’t. But it did rub against my legs. It wouldn’t let me go.”

Sam and Higgs realize it at the same time. 

You can hear how  _ proud _ Higgs is in his voice, “that beast,” he begins, “is of  _ my making _ .”

Heartman stands up and walks toward them, still seated on the couch. Higgs stands up too. “Is it!” The shorter man says. “ _ How _ ? Is it only on the beach?”

Higgs stops him from asking more questions, knowing Heartman would get carried away. “I made him during Sam's journey to the west. He… comes and goes as he pleases.”

“ _ He… _ has a name?” Heartman asked hopefully. The gleam of excitement in his eyes was—  _ endearing _ . Adorable in some odd way. He doesn’t like it. He wishes he had his mask… Higgs doesn’t like the way his face heats up. It’s just a BT. Nothing special. 

“Mekal,” he answers. 

With a puff of embers, the mentioned beast appears. Mekal, his  _ magnificent _ companion sits on the padded floor and begins to clean his mask with his paw. There’s still a terrible, painful crack in it. Heartman’s jaw drops at seeing the creature in the flesh— er. Tar?

“Mekal… isn’t that the name of a goddess?” He says, going to crouch in front of him. 

“Yes…” Higgs drawls, his smirk faltering. “He’s… changed a lot.”

The man seems to break out of his stupor, standing up and straightening his blue clothes. “I see. Is this the only one you’ve made?”

Higgs scoffs before he can stop himself. How many damn  _ fucking _ times will he be asked that? Goddamn. Shouldn’t he already know the damn question? He studies the  _ damn _ Death Stranding and BTs. Heartman should have watched over Sam’s encounters. “No. He’s one of many. Though Mekal has proved to be… persistent in staying with me after…”

“After... Amelie?”

Is that a new point in time?  _ AA _ ,  _ after Amelie? _

Fine by Higgs. 

“... yes.”

Sam speaks up, “what’d you call us here for anyway?”

“Oh yes, before I get carried away. I wanted to know what level you were at, Higgs. You seem to be at least level three…?”

“At least. I can summon creatures and objects.”

“Can you jump?”

“Not currently.”

Heartman walks around to think. “That may be difficult. I’d like to… experiment on you. Lockne may too at some point.”

“Experiment… now?”

“Oh no! I only wanted to set up a basis so I can find where to start. The end goal is to get you back to your original DOOMS level, what you were at under Amelie.” He explains. As he says Her name, an immaculate picture of her appears on the screen-window, partially blacked out. 

Higgs shivers. 

“That…”

“I know, I know. It doesn’t sound good.  _ But— _ you know so much about the Death Stranding, don't you? Don’t you want to help us?”

He freezes in place. Higgs looks behind to gauge Sam’s expression. He shrugs. 

_ Don t you want to help us ? _

_ Does _ he?

  
  


* * *

Higgs bounces Lou on his knee. She babbles and looks around. As if she hasn’t seen Sam’s private room a million damn times. He holds her up, one hand in her own tiny, tiny grasp. 

Louise is wearing a cutesie light pink shirt, nearly a dress. It’s not much in terms of design. Just a plain top with matching pants and socks. She has her outfits more on-point than Higgs. At the moment he was just wearing a snug, black turtleneck and pants. Doesn’t have to “match” if it’s all black. 

She tries to call for Sam with her hand in her mouth. She’s still holding his own. Higgs… doesn’t like children. He did once, he wanted to have a family before… all  _ that _ happened. He wanted to be a father... He supposed he has that now. 

Higgs blinks. What  _ is _ Higgs? Sam the father… that’s easy. Lou their…  _ their _ child… his heart flutters, his face heats up enough that he hates it. God _ damn _ he  _ hates _ it. Fuck Sam! He doesn’t even know— doesn’t know what he does to people. So many people  _ ogle _ him, fucking give him  _ heart-eyes _ . 

He wants to take their eyes. Only  _ he _ gets to marvel at Sam’s stunning beauty. 

“Ow!!”

Lou has bitten his finger.  _ Hard _ . She looks around innocently, still nibbling on him. She’s doing it more gently but Higgs would rather it  _ not happen at all.  _

So he gently removes his hand from her grip. 

Lou starts crying. 

He can see it before it happens. Her face twists and contorts, she frowns. Her eyes grow wet. She opens her mouth and lets out a high wail. 

Higgs—he  _ doesn’t _ panic at this moment. No. He  _ doesn’t _ . But he is  _ completely clueless _ to how to fix the problem. Sam went fuckin  _ somewhere _ , said he’d “only be gone for a moment” but it’s been a moment! More than that! Lou’s wailing gets louder. God, he hates the sound of crying babies. Except he refuses to let her chew on him— Higgs  _ won’t let it happen.  _

So who will win, wanting this child to shut up, or his own persistence?

What is odd though, is that she’s crying  _ black tears _ . It’s the first time he’s seen this happen to Lou. Sam would’ve mentioned if that happened right? Higgs’ own eyes begin to water, but don’t overflow as the chiralium in the air thickens.  _ What the hell is happening? _

Thankfully, Sam, his  _ glorious _ savior, enters the room. He’s immediately struck with a confused look on his face. Upon seeing Higgs’ own while still holding the baby, he smiles fondly. He begins to walk over to the two. 

“What’d you do now?” Sam asks. He opens his arms and Lou is glad to welcome his embrace.  _ Now _ ?

“I didn’t  _ do anything. _ She  _ bit _ me.” He says, baring his teeth and rubbing his slobbered-on hand on the front of his turtleneck. 

Sam snickers, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. That’s not— fair. He just  _ does shit _ , just  _ laughs _ or  _ talks _ or  _ is Sam _ and it slowly ruins Higgs. 

“ _ What _ .”

“Nothin’. There's this real old video I remember as a kid where this boy gets his finger bitten by his sibling.”

Except—ex- _ fucking- _ cept, before Higgs can much  _ think _ of a reply, Sam leans down and slides a hand across his hair, bringing it out of his face. Higgs winces when Sam brings his hand up automatically. Sam presses a kiss to his forehead. Of course he just  _ does _ that.  _ Of course.  _

So Higgs, eloquent as he is, is completely  _ speechless _ . Barely uttering half-hearted beginnings of words. How could he react to that? He wants to throw Sam on the bed and suck his dick so hard not even  _ Amelie _ could bring him back. 

Except he’s holding his kid so… maybe  _ later _ . 

Where Sam had pressed his lips to his forehead, there was a slight tingle, as there usually was when Sam touched him. His scalp felt  _ pleasant _ , even though he’d only touched Higgs’ hair. Higgs swallows. Tries to snuff the butterflies in his stomach. Damn this man

Sam’s cuff chimes. It’s Die-Hardman, going by the ring tone. Sam answers it. 

Higgs keeps silent. He has no idea how to act around Die-Hardman. If he recalls, the president still doesn't know about him. 

Not that they’re—Bridges, that is— actually hiding him. Higgs is in the damn  _ network _ . He ports, does deliveries. But there’s  _ no way _ Die-Hardman would be okay with him in the cities…

“Sam. It’s Die-Hardman. Deadman tells me that it’s fine if you take the next urgent order. It’s a lot, and it has fragile cargo. I’ll tell you more at the terminal.” And the call ends before Sam responds. 

“We just fuckin got back. Whatever. You wanna come with?”

“Uh—I. Yes.”

* * *

Sam gets up to the terminal—after somehow making sure Lou was watched over— and told Higgs to wait behind one of the trucks there. Sam knew Die-Hardman would want to talk to him via chiralgram and he didn’t want to risk him seeing Higgs. 

...they  _ gotta _ find a way to tell him. 

“The garden is up in the mountains. Check your map. It should be near the mountaineer.”

“Garden?” Sam asks. 

“Yes. One of two sites. Neither are connected to the network so you’ll have to do that too. The other site is where Mama’s lab used to be. You remember that right? Alright, I’ll let you get to that.” But before the chiralgram fizzled out, he continued; “and  _ be. careful. _ There is  _ live cargo  _ in one of the containers. It’s not like the cryptobiotes, but treat them as carefully. These kinds of rats aren’t easy to come by.” And with the final warning, he disappears and the terminal comes back on. 

“Rats!” Higgs says, jumping up from behind the truck. “Oh  _ rats _ !  _ Hard to come by, _ my ass.”

“They’re labeled as  _ fancy _ rats,” Sam says, watching as the containers are drawn out by the conveyor belts. There’s a large box with holes and three small ones. “I’ll take the rats,”

“Ohh, you don’t trust me?” Higgs jibes, not serious as he goes to put the other containers on his back. They’re full of seeds right? Then why are there so damn many? 

  
  
  


It takes them two entire days to reach the shelter. Half way through, in the dead of night, they stop by a safe house. It’s so quiet and warm. But also so  _ fucking _ bright. 

“We’ll make it by tomorrow,” Sam says, helping Higgs out of his suit. Higgs is trembling so much, he’s given up talking much as he can barely get a single word out. “Christ. You’re worse than me.”

Higgs’ fingers and toes are purple. Sam’s are white-turning-purple. He can’t feel his fingers. Can’t feel Sam’s warmth… the pads of his fingers. 

It takes a moment to figure out how to use his vocal cords again. “I—I’m f-fffine,”

He’s undressed now, only leaving his black underclothes on. Every inch of him other than his hands and face is covered. So  _ why _ is Higgs so  _ fucking cold? _

Sam’s so warm… “Sam,” Higgs says, just to say his name. He’s so tired… warming up with his heat. He’s like a space heater… “ _ Sam _ . Fuck me.”

He says it again and  _ again _ , his voice getting quieter. One more time, Higgs’ voice a whisper. “Fuck me… I want you Sam. I’m— so-  _ so _ tired.” Higgs’ eyelids weighed down, his grip on Sam’s own underclothes losing strength. 

“Stay with me Higgs. You stay awake and I’ll fuck you. That good?”

“I’m… tired… Sam.” Fuck, why isn’t Sam  _ fucking _ him right now? “Where is— where’s my mask?”

“You didn’t bring it?”

Sam keeps him up, holds his head up even as Higgs’ head rolls to the side. “N-no, I—“ the taller man extends his hand out, holding it out to the open air of the safe house as if there was someone there, willing to give him something. 

Higgs blinked. He tenses his arm, keeping his palm open. Shit… he was so  _ tired _ . 

“Higgs—“

But the second the name leaves Sam’s mouth, a flurry of chiral embers and sparks materialized from Higgs’ hand. When the burst clears, there in his hand is his mask. 

He sits up, nearly connecting his head with Sam’s. Higgs turns the mask over in his hands, blinks, and turns it over again. He can sense Sam looking between him and his mask. 

“How long have you been able to do that?” Has Higgs been able to do this ever since… when…

His brow furrows as he connects the mask to his face. Like usual, he can breath so much easier. Which is  _ odd _ because the private room’s air is about as sterile as it can be. He’s still  _ exhausted _ , but that could easily be from hypothermia. Higgs suppresses a yawn as he feels exhaustion whittle away. 

“Can you fuck me now? For fuck’s sake,”

“You’re still cold. You’ll prolly pass out.”

“ _ Good _ . I want your dick in me.” Higgs demanded. 

Sam sighs as he moves to lay behind Higgs. Sam’s back to the empty air of the room. There’s still flecks of chiralium in the air and both Sam and Higgs blink away tears. 

Sam is still iffy on touch. Going most of his life being pained by it wasn’t good on him. Not that it mattered, when Higgs feels like  _ this _ ; Sam’s entire front against his back… legs tangled together… Sam’s right arm over his waist. He could live like this  _ forever _ , right to the last extinction.  _ He doesn’t care.  _

Fuck… Higgs was  _ cold _ . He doesn’t know if he’s been shivering this entire time, or he’s just starting again. He tenses his jaw to stop his teeth chattering. Higgs moves Sam’s arm down… down further. 

“Higgs,” he warns. 

“Come on Sam… just a bit,” Higgs coerces, softly grinding his hips back to Sam’s cock. He can vaguely feel the print of Sam’s still-soft cock in his pants. 

Sam sighs. 

“ _ Fine _ .”

Sam yanks down Higgs’ pants till his cock flies free. Immediately, he begins to jack Higgs off. Higgs’ breath is amplified by the mask, panting out. Higgs’ hips rut foreword softly, letting the gentle pleasure roll through him. Higgs would rather have Sam  _ fucking _ him, but his rough hand on his cock is satisfactory enough. 

Fully hard now, he leaks over Sam’s hand. Sam takes the clear pre-cum and slickens his hand. After that he goes a bit faster. Grips Higgs’ dick a bit harder. 

“Sam,” he hisses out, just to hear his name. He was pent up, already feeling close. “Saaaam,” wheezes out through the mask. Higgs can feel chiralium almost collect in his mouth. It lights his senses on fire, like sparks lighting behind his eyes. 

“Yeah?” Sam answers, licking along what’s bare of Higgs’ neck. It’s not much. “You’re good, you’ve got it.”

“I’ve…” Higgs digs his nails into Sam’s bare forearm. His hips thrust forward eagerly now, barely of his control. “I’m close,”

“You’re so good, Higgs. I love you,”

The words punch a grunt and his orgasm out of him. Higgs’ cum spatters on the bed below them. He can’t stop his hips from moving in little circles, into Sam’s hand until he’s too sensitive. Higgs is panting heavily, at a loss for words to respond to what Sam has said. 

Sam’s hand is still around his cock. He hasn’t moved. 

Higgs shivers as he can feel Sam tease his tongue across his neck, licking over a whitish scar, caused by a particularly bad rope burn. He has plenty of those of various ages, all around his neck… other places too. 

Higgs’ train of thought is quickly cut short as Sam’s hand begins moving again. Higgs nearly chokes on his tongue. He barely went soft, hard not to with his stamina and being  _ encompassed _ by Sam. The noises drawn out from Sam’s movement over his cock is  _ obscene _ . It makes Higgs cringe behind his mask. 

And  _ damn _ it. He’s  _ awake _ now, just about as alert as he can be with Sam’s large ( _ warm, rough, strong _ —) hand around him. “Sam— Sam.  _ Sammy _ ,”

“You can’t tell me you’re finished yet.” Sam chastises, dragging his teeth and stubble over Higgs’ sensitive neck. Higgs shivers, wiggles in the smaller man’s grip. Sam works his left arm under Higgs, using that to hold Higgs tighter against him. 

Sam resumes his quick pace, muscles beneath death-burnt skin beneath Higgs’ fingers flexing. Higgs can’t help the sounds he lets out, whimpers and cries and half-spoken pleas. He chants his name over and over, barely ever above a whisper. Higgs tried to pull away from the onslaught, but it’s no use. Sam’s legs are tangled with Higgs’ own. He arches his back, tries to pull Sam away. It’s almost too much but not  _ enough _ all the same. 

Higgs buries his face in the sheets, panting behind his mask. His eyes water and his breath hitches.  _ More more, please. Sam, stop, don’t stop, give me more, let go of me— _

He’s already so close, despite  _ just _ fucking cumming. His legs involuntarily kick, nudge against Sam’s. He wants Sam to  _ take _ , pull as many orgasms out of him as he can. Keep  _ taking _ and  _ taking _ , Higgs wants him to be selfish. Sam rubs his slick thumb over the moist head of his cock. 

Higgs throws his head back, letting out a strangled moan from behind clenched teeth. The following dribbles of cum add to the mess he’s already made. Sam slows down, but doesn’t  _ stop moving _ until Higgs nearly draws blood trying to push him away. 

“That enough? You’re insatiable.” Sam growls. He sounds so angry almost, but Higgs can hear his smile. Hear how he must be baring his teeth, upper lip curling in disgust. Teeth… his teeth… Higgs wants Sam to bite him, sink his teeth into Higgs till there’s  _ nothing _ left. “Gonna answer me?”

_ He  _ is  _ insatiable _ … Higgs  _ is _ . He’s  _ gross _ and  _ nasty _ and he wants  _ more and more— _ “not enough. Give me all you got, Sammy boy.”

Sam reaches his left arm across Higgs’ chest and rolls onto his back. It’s awkward, Higgs being multiple inches taller than him. But Higgs can hardly think about that as he moves his hand again. Sam’s breath isn’t against his ear, ghosting over it with hot breath as Higgs cries out. 

He lets out multiple colorful words, all slurred together. Higgs can’t find anything to grab onto, Sam’s arm around his chest, the sheets below, Sammy’s still healing stab wound on his side. The action makes Sam grunt, burying his face in Higgs’ shoulder. Higgs’ cock is so sensitive, a constant point of pain in the most  _ wonderful _ ways. He can’t sit  _ fucking _ still, trying to move into his hand, grind his ass on Sam’s cock, move  _ away _ from either because it’s  _ too fucking much.  _

“S—Sam—  _ samsamsam— _ “ Higgs moans out, slurred behind the mask. Now it feels like he’s suffocating, like he’s never had a clear breath in his life. The knot in his stomach clenches, tighter and tighter, almost cramping the muscles there. 

“Calm your shit,” Sam grumbles, panting himself. His arm must be hurting by now. “Cmon Higgs. I know you got one more in ya. Cum for me Higgs.”

Higgs doesn’t even make a sound when he cums next. He feels pleasure, grueling and  _ sharp _ , course through him, from head to toe. Only… Sam’s hand leaves his cock when he cums. 

_ Nothing _ even comes out, Higgs  _ cums dry _ and it doesn’t even feel like it. His cock twitches as if it did, but the pleasure didn’t mount, didn’t cross him over the cliff to orgasm. 

“Wh—  _ Huh _ ?” Higgs whimpers, confused and wordless. What… the  _ hell just happened _ ? He’s softening now that Sam isn’t around him. Sam soon carefully pushes him off to his side. Higgs is still wide-eyed and confused. “Sam— what…”

Sam has this odd knowing smirk on his face. Higgs has no clue what the fuck that was. It didn’t even count as a  _ third orgasm, _ even if he just came dry. Because it wasn’t a “ _ just _ ”. He didn’t cum  _ at all.  _

Fluids of sorts had dirtied the black clothes that Higgs had on. He’s warm— more than warm and he hates that he’ll have to shower now. He just wants to sleep with Sam, damn it!

Sam goes to pull up the turtleneck Higgs was wearing, and before Higgs can stop him, Sam sees the plethora of scars that litter the bit of skin revealed. 

Higgs doesn’t react when he sees Sam’s face, eyebrows raising almost comically, mouth dropping open. His stomach twitches with a single chuckle, jostling his frail, wet cock laying against it. He  _ knows _ he’s covered in permanent scars, so unlike Sam’s own. See, Higgs’ aren’t  _ handprints _ . All but one—over the left of his chest, over his heart— are of almost anything else. Burns of many kinds, rope burns, cigarettes, larger fires… stab wounds or stitches or rough falls on rocks. Hell, some are self inflicted, both in a way of scarification and…  _ other ways.  _

He covers up so others don’t ask when he doesn’t want them to. 

He wants to show them off to Sam. 

...

Sam… doesn’t seem as excited about them. 

“What’s wrong, cat got your tongue?” Higgs drawls, voice muffled still; voice gruff from their activities. 

“Who did these to you…?”

Sam wasn’t disgusted in the scares, there was  _ something else  _ on his face. Sorrow? He’s tense, brows furrowed and raised, eyes glancing from mark to mark. 

Higgs scoffs. “ _ Who didn’t _ . Point to one and I’ll tell you,” Higgs said, still not quite getting why Sam wasn’t…  _ acting _ the way he should. 

Fuck. Did he feel  _ sorry _ for Higgs? Why, he deserved  _ every damn mark.  _

Sam thumbs over a mark on his hip, staring at it as if it would suddenly disappear. Higgs looks down and sees a white puffy scar. “Stab wound. Fucker slashed at me.  _ That _ one hurt real bad.”

“Did you kill him?”

_ No _ , “Yes.”

“Good.”  _ What _ ?

Sam ( _ Sam, Sam, Sammy boy,) _ lifts the shirt up higher. There aren’t many permanent scars on his abdomen. Higgs reluctantly helps him pull it off over his head. 

He felt so  _ bare… _ Sam’s seen him shirtless before, but it was always with the thick steam of the shower. Only his lonesome repatriation mark remained. Sam lays his palm on a long dark scar across his solar plexus, trailing over a few ribs there. 

“This one?” Sam asks. Higgs can tell he fears the answer. 

But  _ why _ ? Why is Sam so— so  _ off put  _ by these? They tell a story better than any book or movie or  _ anything _ . Shows that he’s  _ lived _ . Every person that had added to his cryptic collection has died— almost. Only a few lucky fellas remain. They  _ deserve _ it, trying to kill a god right under their noses. But he wouldn’t kill Sammy if he wanted to leave marks of his own… cut over the scars to make new ones. Feel sharp stings of pain anytime it’s aggravated. 

“My late great daddy, Sam.  _ That’s fucking who _ .” Higgs spits, venom seeping from every word. 

“Didn’t mean to prod.”  _ Prod more! _

“I don’t care,”

“Yeah you do.” Sam says, “you killed him right?”

“Murdered that bastard and ate the energy from his ghost.”

Sam keeps rubbing the scars. Higgs doesn’t even remember what it’s  _ from _ , but it’s old, misshapen from growing so, so tall. The color is nasty and stark against pale skin. Of all the scars he’d want Sam to replace, that’d be the first one. 

Ohh… but Sammy isn’t like that. He’d press kiss after  _ searing _ kiss into his scars. That isn’t… Higgs is sure that’s not what he wants. 

“I would’ve killed him myself,” Sam growls. Here he sounds angry, furious. At a man that isn’t even alive anymore. Higgs’ face cracks into a toothy smile behind the golden material adorning his face. “Higgs. I hate what he’s done to you,”

“Was just…” Higgs pants, Sam keeps  _ touching _ him, tracing the scars Higgs has explained so far. “Was just tryin’ to protect me.”

“By hidin’ you away from the world? Shit father, huh?”  _ He wasn’t my father, _ Higgs almost says,  _ he wouldn’t have done all that. _ But he  _ hates _ him for leaving nonetheless. If Sam’s father could come back from the dead for him, why can’t Higgs’!?

“If— if I saw… Amelie again…” Higgs says, gritting the name out like it hurts. It  _ does _ , stings like a right fuck. “If I saw Her again, and I brought him back…”

“I’d kill him before he even sees you, Higgs. Make him regret everything he'd done to you.”

“Didn’t do much…” Higgs whispers. He blames the mask for how his eyes water, how his breath trembles so loud. He’s shivering again. He hates this, he hates, hates,  _ hates _ .

Higgs feels Sam’s hand under him, trailing firm fingertips against his back. There are more scars there, straight lashes that may never disappear. He wants them  _ gone _ . If Higgs could, he’d cut the skin of his back off. Sam kisses his naval, just as he feared. Licking the edges of a scar. 

Sam’s prodding fingers follow the trail of marks surrounding his hips. Most times he can disguise it as perhaps a belt too tight. But Sam knows better, can see the drags of rocks where he’d been stuck. The cuts on his ass and thighs. Higgs barely feels them, but he can sense the pressure of Sam’s fingers, the searing heat of his presence. 

“I want you— want you to k-kill him.” High stutters, hating himself for every word. He works too hard for him to stutter like this. “I hate him.” He says. His eyes screw shut. “ _ I hate him _ .”

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr is Higgs-the-god... my wrist hurts


End file.
